Due to not having the death penalty, after their jail sentence was over, many genocide perpetrators went home. Remember Rwanda is roughly the size of the state of Maryland. You may have killed your neighbor's husband, looted their property, spent time in jail, but now it's time for you to go home. Since Rwanda is a small country, you could move cities, but there is a big chance that you will run across your perpetrator or victims family at some point. After the genocide it became apparent that peace initiatives were needed.
Peace initiatives within Rwanda take many forms. Community soccer matches, choirs, peace clubs (small meetings to talk about peace, forgiveness and reconciliation), traditional dance groups and more. There is even a national day of remembrance to remind people of all that happened, this is especially geared toward the future generations so they don't forget. All the groups that I came across on my visit, had both tribes present, they also had a mix of perpetrators and victims. At first this was unnerving to me, to sit next to, let alone speak to a genocide perpetrator. They murdered people, why are they happy, why do the victims families have them over for dinner? It was perplexing to me.
In Rwanda living with near your perpetrator was a reality. This was the challenge, one that Rwandans knew that they had to live up to and conquer. Traditionally speaking Rwandans are used to an offering to show forgiveness. You wronged me, what do you have to offer? This can take many forms. If your family has money, you offer it, if you have an abundance of livestock you offer a calf, goat or chicken. If all you have is the possessions on your back you give your victims the best clothes you have to offer. I witnessed this first hand.
My group put on a conference to highlight peacekeeping strategies, counseling and reconciliation. Both victims and perpetrators were there. One such attendee was a perpetrator and his victims wife was present. To help make the situation easier for those who knew them, he always arrived a couple minutes late and left early, as a way for her to not see him. He was ready to ask her for forgiveness. He talked with one of her friends (also at the conference) to get her dress size. Although he didn't have much, he had a new traditional dress and matching jacket made for her. The time had come... everyone onlooking with baited breathe, she saw him and started to weep. He did as well, as he saw the pain he caused up close, first hand. She wanted to leave immediately, her friends stopped and consoled her. She got to a place where she was willing to at least listen to him. He spoke and gave her the gift. She opened it, she knew the expense that this was to him. She accepted it, she was ready to forgive him. It was a powerful moment, a moment that you may not witness again in life. I was blessed to be a witness.
Peace, forgiveness and reconciliation take many forms. None are necessarily easy, but all paths to peace with your neighbor are worth it. The above story is one close to my heart, especially for a mzungu (white person) to witness. Forgiveness is a path that you take when you are ready. This may be after many years of counseling. In the case of Rwandans, most of them would be great counselors with all the internal work they've done over the years. Reconciliation is an equally demanding path. Gift giving, for Rwandans is one way to show that you are wanting to live in peace with the person you've wronged.
A great article (unfortunately the audio is not there any longer) that details the process a little better is on NPR, https://www.npr.org/2019/04/09/711314421/after-the-genocide-author-witnessed-how-rwandans-defined-forgiveness
Page citations: Information from both article sources were used in this page, however, neither are directly quoted.
https://www.usip.org/publications/1999/09/post-genocidal-reconciliation-building-peace-rwanda-and-burundi https://www.aljazeera.com/indepth/features/2017/06/peace-clubs-rwanda-post-genocide-search-renewal-170604161202872.html
Photo credits: Ian Dort